Okay... so I won't promise anymore to have my blog entries in the next week. Too much pressure to do it all the time and I gotta keep things fresh! Well, I'm kidding, but I am releasing myself from the weekly tasks...
A lot of has happened over the past four weeks. I've been to Chicago and Iowa visiting family and friends while also doing a little fund development, but not everything has been going well in my life. Life....has been a little difficult.
Take for instance my job circumstances. I work full-time with Intervarsity Christian Fellowship here in Atlanta, GA. Its a missions-type of job so we can assume that having an abundance is not the normal way of life. It is the life of sacrifice, and journey of learning how to give of yourself in ways never before. However, I believe that there a point of sacrifice and a point where its difficult to live day to day with the support. I feel like I've been "flirting" between sacrificial and unbearable. Now I do believe (sometimes at least...) that God will not leave me nor forsake me. I've also lived in similar circumstances, but of course those were without the responsibility of having to deal with bills, banks, and work-shifts. So I might be preaching to the choir here, but I just feel worn a bit from the meager living circumstances. I actually have more bills than income!
This has "influenced" me to stress tremendously. I choose the word influence because worry is a choice. Its a VERY tempting choice, somewhat NATURAL, definitely INSTINCTUAL, but none the less a choice. I allow my instincts to control me, I naturally want to stress because of humans' broken nature and I hardly fight the temptation at all.
Well, recently I feel like I've come into the eye of the hurricane of my struggles and worries. Like almost life itself slowed a second and froze. I noticed that I CAN'T make anything spend up and slow down that is out of my control. There are a ton of things that happen to us in life that come from forces within our control and forces outside of our control. What I, and the rest of the world need understand is how we deal with our lives in the midst of problems, rather than just dwelling on the fact that we have issues.
I picked up a job recently as a chauffeur/driver. I use my car and pick people up from work and from home. I have a client name "Prasad" who looks like a mid-fifties programmer from India for a major phone company here in Atlanta. This is a guy who never seems to be short of conversation (I know...aren't I calling the kettle black.) and was sharing some of his wisdom with me. He said, "Western society want things so instantaneously. If what you have doesn't fill in a want, then you throw it away and try to get it another way. No patience...if they had more patience, maybe life wouldn't be so difficult....." He's right. Life probably wouldn't have so many difficulties if we just learned how to wait for things. I am still engaged and its a longer process for my fiance and I than we actually thought. I know I want marriage now, but I also know that based on the path that God has Alice and I on, we NEED to take our time. Its difficult, but it should definitely be worth it once we get there. We will have a higher appreciation for the journey if we take the path assigned to us.
So as I learn to deal with life and seeing light in the shadows, I hope that you as well learn to see it as well. What I am recognizing is that the reason light seems so dim in the shadow is either because our perspective to the light (close or far), or the light itself (God doesn't dim). So really, we have a choice I guess...
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